Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Letting go when that's all there is left

Hello everyone!  I’ve been trying to write in the second person to be more professional, but I’m not very good at it so I’m going to return to my natural style.

Are you nice to everyone?  Even when others are not nice to you?  Is it frustrating? Yes it is. Once upon a time, I was nice to everyone.  You know what happened? The only people that it attracted were users and abusers.  So what was my solution? Be even nicer to prove to them that I was worthy of their time, and hope beyond hope that they would suddenly be nice back.  It never worked.  People who use and abuse only care what they get out of a relationship, not what anyone else gets out of it.  Why are they like that? Because they are insecure, nasty, or just a plain waste of air.  It doesn’t matter why they are like that, you can’t change another person’s behaviour, nor should you try. All you can do is change your own behaviour.  I know this seems simplistic, but do not be nice to people who are not nice to you! It’s hard after a lifetime of behaving one way to change, but for your own good you really need to.

The first thing you do is kick this person out of your life. If that’s not possible, then stand your ground.  If someone is used to you being nice no matter how terrible they behave, they will do everything and anything to get you to go back to being a doormat.  Resist this with all you have.  You’ll get upset, but don’t let it show.  Remember this person is not worth it. Allowing yourself to be angry at their behaviour really helps. You are allowed to get angry when someone is being nasty, no matter what anyone has told you. Resist pleas that they will change.  They won’t change; they just want you return to your old behaviour.  Do not feel bad for them if they seem sorry, they’re not.  And so what if they are really sorry, if they want people to be around them, they won’t act like jerks. Sorry only has meaning if they reform their lousy ways. That never happens.

What right do they have to treat you poorly? None whatsoever. No one is perfect, but you don’t have to be perfect to expect people to be pleasant.  People who treat other people like crap are always great at listing another’s faults in order to justify their attitude.  Strange how they never acknowledge their own faults, or try to tell you that you’re imagining things. That’s a good one isn’t it? When someone tells you it’s all in your head.  It’s at that moment that you know they are full of it.  Don’t try to prove it to them, they will just stand there like a child with their fingers in their ears saying “La la la I can’t hear you!”  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, you know how you are being treated.

Don’t worry about the opinions of others outside of the situation.  Sure, you don’t want people to think badly of you, but if someone else wants to have a bad opinion of you because you don’t want to put up with crap anymore, then too bad for them.  You might be in a situation where there are mutual friends, and you don’t want to lose them.  Don’t let that keep you around someone who is not treating you right.  You can’t control what others think, and they will think what they want.  Who cares? No one matters that much that you should let yourself be treated poorly to keep their good opinion.

These things aren’t easy to do, but what’s the alternative? Feeling bad about letting people walk all over you?  You have to live with yourself and how you feel, so why not feel good?  Feel strong and in control and confident!  It does attract a much better class of people.

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